Family Drama

After a LOT of thought, prayer, fasting the decision has been made.

Jake and I are going to try to have a baby.

As we are in the process of finding a professional team together to support us in this journey as a precaution for a repeat of PPD/A we decided it was time to tell my family.

Telling my family was something that I was dreading doing from the beginning of trying to decide if trying to have a child was the right thing for us.

Well this week I wrote them an email and forwarded it to everyone in my family. I knew that it wouldn't be pretty or fun, but this has become incredibly UGLY. It seems to brought all the pain from the past PPD/A experience crashing down again on my family.

I understand their concern and fears. I do. I totally understand that. However, I am frustrated with them being so mean and vindictive in their response. They seem to refuse to hear me out. They think I'm being manipulative and selfish. It's hurtful and so hard.

My oldest sister has now told me she wants NOTHING to do with me and my life now. I fear she is the first. :(

I HATE this!!

I am trying to be open and forgiving about all of this.

I am grateful Jake encouraged me to talk to them about this now and not wait until I was prego. Dealing with all of this while feeling sick and dealing with all the hormone changes wouldn't have been fun and could have triggered the PPD/A to show up earlier than it did even with my last.

I KNOW Jake and I are making the right decision for us. I KNOW that. I don't know how this pregnancy and post pregnancy will go, but I have faith and the comfort of knowing that I'm making the right decision regardless of what my family thinks.
 

It's HARD. This makes it HARDER, but not impossible.

Hoping with time, my family will come around. If not. I will continue to grieve for my loss, our loss, and our babies loss. But I am grateful for the family they will have in their lives. Jake's family who thankfully fully support our decision. We are blessed.