http://bcove.me/z72c8hkc
Hopefully this link will work. If not, you can find it by going to http://www.lds.org/general-conference/watch/2013/10?lang=eng&vid=2722351290001&cid=10
This talk given by one of the leaders of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. It gave me hope and strength for the future.
If he has struggled (though it seems not has harsh that I have dealt with) and is able to not only function, but be successful and happy in his life. Gives me hope for my future with trying to have a new little one.
This talk gives a wonderful list of how to take care of yourself when struggling with a mental illness. Also it gives guidance to those who know people who are struggling. LOVE this talk.
I have never been able to say that I was grateful for getting PPD/A 7 years ago. I have just lost so much!!
I realized through listening to these words that I have learned a lot from that awful experience. I am much more empathetic to most people. Especially mothers. Being able to love people and be patient for those around me who are struggling, well that is a gift. For that I am grateful. I hope that I can help someone some where.
There is ALWAYS hope!
Tuesday, October 8, 2013
Slacking....
I have been MIA lately. I'm sorry. No 'fun/good' reason.
I've been grieving.
Grieving hard!!
My youngest b-day was last month.
I had a LOT of triggers dealing with his b-day this year. I hate the bad memories, the bad thoughts, the temptations that seemed to slap me in the face this year. I am however very grateful that none of those awful memories and thoughts made me feel the same way. They are a past memory. Because of them I felt a great loss for my boys. Especial H at this time. I feel I hardly new him. I can never get that year that I had him back.
Now...I don't know when I will be get see my boys again.
In the back of my mind I always held onto this hope that maybe soon my sister and her husband would see that keeping my boys from me was only hurting them more.
That hope. Well, it's gone.
They are still incredibly upset with me, because I am choosing to have another child in the future.
Though we haven't started yet. I feel that as the time draws closer for this child the time seem to triple the time I will have away from my little boys.
This breaks my heart.
There is nothing I can do for my boys at this time. Their future lies with my sister and her husband.
The tears haven't stopped. The days are a blur right now.
How do you grieve the loss of two beautiful boys who are alive, but you can't be a part of their lives??!??
Though I am struggling. I am not sick. I can see and feel the difference, but I am struggling with being able to function while grieving.
Until I have the answers. I plan to do what I can with each day and if someone is uncomfortable walking past me at Freddie's while tears stroll down my face, will just have to deal. No you can't change my circumstance, but a warm hand on my shoulder and a smile. Is kind and gives me strength.
Hoping to find some balance soon.
I've been grieving.
Grieving hard!!
My youngest b-day was last month.
I had a LOT of triggers dealing with his b-day this year. I hate the bad memories, the bad thoughts, the temptations that seemed to slap me in the face this year. I am however very grateful that none of those awful memories and thoughts made me feel the same way. They are a past memory. Because of them I felt a great loss for my boys. Especial H at this time. I feel I hardly new him. I can never get that year that I had him back.
Now...I don't know when I will be get see my boys again.
In the back of my mind I always held onto this hope that maybe soon my sister and her husband would see that keeping my boys from me was only hurting them more.
That hope. Well, it's gone.
They are still incredibly upset with me, because I am choosing to have another child in the future.
Though we haven't started yet. I feel that as the time draws closer for this child the time seem to triple the time I will have away from my little boys.
This breaks my heart.
There is nothing I can do for my boys at this time. Their future lies with my sister and her husband.
The tears haven't stopped. The days are a blur right now.
How do you grieve the loss of two beautiful boys who are alive, but you can't be a part of their lives??!??
Though I am struggling. I am not sick. I can see and feel the difference, but I am struggling with being able to function while grieving.
Until I have the answers. I plan to do what I can with each day and if someone is uncomfortable walking past me at Freddie's while tears stroll down my face, will just have to deal. No you can't change my circumstance, but a warm hand on my shoulder and a smile. Is kind and gives me strength.
Hoping to find some balance soon.
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