It's a....

       It was incredible to get to see our little angel up close and personal on Thursday morning. :)

She was so perfect! She melted our hearts. Even though DH would have liked a boy to carry on the last name he is super excited to have a Daddy's girl, and she already is. Seriously he comes home and starts talking to her and rubbing my belly and all the sudden she is awake and so excited. She loves her daddy! It's adorable!!

Guess what!!!

It's been awhile.

I am sorry. Been meaning to write and tell you our news, but I wanted to give my friends and family so time to adjust first.

We Are EXPECTING!!

8 years ago today was the day I had my second little boy. The day of agony and pain, and I was willing to go through that terrible pain, because I was expecting to hold my little boy and feel peace and love towards him and all would be right and perfect. Well it didn't turn out that way. Though I love my little H peace, rightness, and perfection was far from my mind. Something happened and all craziness broke lose. It was horrific! I hated where my mind went with everything that had to do with being a mother. Hope was lost. The peace I ached for seemed just out of reach no matter what I did except for the few moments in the temple or while receiving a blessing from a worthy priesthood holding. 

Today like every year has been an emotional roller coaster as I think back and feel the loss of what that day cost me. I am without my little H. He lives in another state. He is happy and well taken care of, but I miss him and his older brother EVERYDAY. I am grateful that he and his brother are well, but I wish I was part of the reason he was happy. I know that I did the right thing for my boys, just like I know that I'm doing the right thing now for my little family. A lot of the time however doing what is right isn't easy. 

So even though today I have reflected a lot on what has been lost I am in awe that 8 years later I have been given a second chance. As this baby kicks inside of me letting me know he/she is there and growing is a miracle to me is so many ways. I have peace knowing that I am doing what the Lord has called on Jake and I to do. I know that He is with me in this. I know that He will always be there to help me through whatever happens in the future. Today though my tears are full of loss they are also full of gratitude. My Lord, Our Lord loves me. He knows my desires and wants. He knows my weakness and strengths. He will give me the strength that I need to make it through this. He will bless me. He has promised to do so. I know that I may never understand until after this life fully why I had to lose my little ones before, but I am grateful that I know of His love and His desire for me to succeed and be happy.